Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.He told me to stop going to those places. I told my physical therapist that I broke my arm in two places.One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?" The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!" They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian.What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*.Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did.And God said to John, "Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.They went up by a million percent last year. Exaggerations have become an epidemic.What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper.What do you call bears with no ears? B–.The salesman asks him, "Do you want an aquarium?" The guy responds, "I don't care what star sign it is!" A guy goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish.What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs.Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for decades.What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells."I stand corrected!" said the man in the orthopedic shoes.What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.įor more up-to-date information, sign up for our.One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" The other guy replies, "You're on the other side!" Two men meet on opposite sides of a river.That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes. Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.He tells his waiter, "I want a grilled…cheese." The waiter says, "What's with the pause?" "Whaddya mean?" the bear replies. Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus.How does a squid go into battle? Well-armed.Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies.I saw Usain Bolt sprinting around the track shouting, "Why did the chicken cross the road!?" It was a running joke.Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back? He was dead-lifting.What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills? Bernadette.I wonder how many people are in that field. I'm thinking of a career where I estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events.
You know there's no official training for trash collectors? They just pick things up as they go along.A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.When you die, what part of the body dies last? The pupils…they dilate.I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common? Icy dead people.I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it.Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player.Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins? You just have to listen varicosely.
0 kommentar(er)
